Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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