I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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