I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
