Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have aggressive nipples.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
