i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
