i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize