Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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