just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
