I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My liver just had a heart attack.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
