Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
