yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
