we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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