if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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