If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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