he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
