Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
