trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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