butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize