he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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