that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
