he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
