I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
