Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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