so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
