Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
