she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
