Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
