Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
