Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
