would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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