Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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