the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
