But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize