I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
