woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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