I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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