I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up under a house in Key West
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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