she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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