If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
