The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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