And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
