Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
