At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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