i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
