I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize