So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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