Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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