My nipple is on Facebook.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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