You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
