Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
