You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
