so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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