The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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