i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
As shirtless as possible
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
