Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
