quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
farters have to be the big spoon...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Randomize
