It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
