You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
