Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize