omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just had sex on a roof
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
