I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
