This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
