I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
