A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
