i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
