This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
