I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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