Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
