Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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