How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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