I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
