There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
