the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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