Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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