I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My bed smells like the plague
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
