If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
