Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
