Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
