i permit you to call me
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize