it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
