2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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