I wish I could teleport
4 words: hood of his car
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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