I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
