Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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