After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
