The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
