shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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