you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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