the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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