6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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