apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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