If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
