You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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