Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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