i was born a porn star she said
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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