Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
