he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
