And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
