So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
