and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
