I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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