It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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