never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
