I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
