I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
