just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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