okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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