Sponge bath it is.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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