my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
