Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My feet surprised me
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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