Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
